Husbands: How to Support Your Wives Through the Infertility Process
The unrequited longing for a child brings many challenges to couples. It causes strain on the relationship; including emotional, physical, hormonal, and financial. At our clinic, we find that women and men perceive the fertility struggle very differently. Although one can never generalize completely, there can be very obvious differences that are worth addressing. Here are a few tips to help husbands along the way….
- Listen to her. Most women want to know that their husbands understand what they’re going through. Oftentimes, husbands want to “fix” the problem and stop the suffering that it’s causing their wives. Unfortunately, the infertility process generally takes some time and does not have a quick fix solution. In order for a woman to move through an emotion, she needs to have the freedom to express herself. Although it may be tempting to want to problem solve, it’s equally as important to allow a woman to feel and react to the upset that the disease causes.
- Don’t resent her for being totally focused on fertility. Has your wife appeared to have forgotten hobbies, friends, even you? Between doing research, doctor’s visits, acupuncture visits, and tracking her menstrual cycle meticulously, she is pretty tapped out. Many women are hardwired to want children. Society and age adds additional pressure. In addition, there are hormones and neurochemicals, specific to women, which trigger their “biological clocks”. So please, don’t take it personally.
- Don’t tell her she’s” too stressed out”. Although stress can be a contributing factor of fertility, it is generally not the sole reason. Although reducing stress can certainly help, it does not promise a pregnancy. Telling someone that they are too stressed out (as a reason for not getting and that it is causing them not to get pregnant) is like adding a load of guilt to their already heavy plate. Yes there might be a kernel of truth to it, but it just doesn’t help. Now if you have any ideas on how to reduce stress in her life, those would be welcome. Supporting her in de-stressing techniques like acupuncture, exercise, meditation, etc. is a great idea. Just be sure to offer those ideas in a loving way, without any ulterior motives.
The infertility process can take a toll on anyone, and we hope that these small tips can help you through yours.
– – – Blessings – – –