As parents, we often focus on what we say to our children about health. While our words matter greatly when they are young, what ultimately leaves the deepest impression is what we model as they grow older. The way we respond to illness, injury, pain, and limitation teaches our children how to relate to their own bodies for the rest of their lives.
This matters deeply in my work as an acupuncturist with over 20 years of clinical experience. I regularly see adults who lack resilience in the face of health challenges and who hold rigid or dysfunctional beliefs about their bodies. Many people unconsciously operate from a binary framework: health is good, illness is bad. In reality, the human body is far more nuanced. This kind of black-and-white thinking often leaves people without the emotional tools they need when something inevitably goes wrong.
Being With Pain First, Addressing It Second
Children experience physical and emotional pain frequently—it is a normal part of being human & especially of childhood. When a child comes to us distressed, the most important first step is presence. Offer full attention without minimizing or amplifying their experience.
Underreacting can look like dismissing their pain with phrases such as “you’re fine” or “it’s okay.” While these statements may be factually true, they can feel invalidating in the moment. What a child needs first is to feel understood. Once the initial emotional intensity has passed, curiosity can follow. Instead of saying, “You barely hit your head,” try asking, “How hard did you hit it?” or “Is it feeling better or worse?” Only after this comes support: “I’m sorry that happened. What would help right now—ice or a hug?”
Overreacting, on the other hand, often involves rushing in with heightened anxiety: “Oh no! Are you okay?! Did you get hurt?!” This adds emotional intensity rather than meeting what is already there. Often, this response is rooted in a parent’s own anxiety about health and safety. Over time, this can unintentionally burden a child with the belief that they are fragile or that something is always wrong.
What we want to offer our children instead is a deep, internal sense of safety: No matter what happens, I am okay. Whether they experience injury, illness, bullying, or emotional hardship, they are still fundamentally safe, loved, and supported. This mindset fosters resilience, grit, and emotional endurance.
When a child shares any challenge—physical or emotional—the first task is not to fix or solve it. It is to see them. Emotional attunement goes a long way in helping people feel known and supported. After that, it’s appropriate to ask, “Would you like help thinking through this, or do you just need to vent?”
Normalizing Health Challenges
Health challenges are not only normal—they are expected. Living in a body means encountering pain, dysfunction, and limitation at times. When illness is framed as something shameful, people internalize beliefs such as “this is my fault,” “I should have prevented this,” or “I should have control over my body.” These narratives are both inaccurate and harmful.
Even with excellent nutrition, exercise, and self-care, the body will still encounter imbalance, illness, and injury. Acknowledging this reality can feel unsettling, even powerless, for some people—but learning to tolerate that feeling is important. When we can sit with a degree of powerlessness, we are better able to discern where our actions truly matter and where acceptance is required.
Unfortunately, healthcare messaging often oversimplifies this balance. Many people are left believing that if they just tried harder, followed the right rules, or took the right supplements, they could avoid illness entirely. This is not true, and living with that belief often leads to guilt, anxiety, and disconnection from the body.
Teaching Children to Listen to Their Bodies
One of the most valuable skills we can pass on to our children is body awareness.
When should you eat? When you’re hungry.
When should you rest? When you’re tired.
How do you know what you need? You learn to listen.
This applies to sleep, hydration, learning styles, relationships, and how we engage with the world. The more attuned we are to ourselves, the less dependent we become on external authorities to dictate our choices. This does not mean ignoring the wisdom of teachers, elders, or healthcare professionals—it simply means cultivating internal guidance alongside external knowledge.
Modeling this kind of listening means making accommodations when our bodies ask for them. I once treated a patient who went skiing during an acute back pain flare because he didn’t want to “hold his family back.” Predictably, his pain worsened and lingered longer than it would have if he had rested. If he would have hit a bump the wrong way on the slopes, he may have injured himself for life. While there are moments when pushing through is appropriate, our culture consistently overvalues constant high functioning—often at the expense of long-term physical and mental health.
Teaching Critical Thinking
As our children grow, we cannot follow them around telling them what to do. Instead, we must teach them how to think critically and make informed choices.
I remember when my children were between eight and eleven—an age marked by constant questions as they began comparing our family’s values with those of others.
“Why do they drink soda at dinner?”
“Why can my friend stay up until 2 a.m.?”
“Why are they allowed to watch rated-R movies?”
Rather than responding with authority alone, I chose education. I explained that their brains were still developing and that sleep was essential for emotional regulation and clear thinking. As an empath, I shared why I wished I had been more cautious about exposure to violent media—once seen, those images are difficult to erase.
I explained that we don’t drink soda because liquid sugar spikes blood glucose quickly, and that most people in the U.S. benefit from thinking in terms of diabetes prevention. It wasn’t about restriction or morality; it was about understanding risk.
This approach paid off years later when my daughter encountered vaping in middle school. When I asked if she had ever considered it, she said, “No—I’m an athlete.” That response came from years of conversations about fueling and respecting her body. She wasn’t just hearing my voice—she had internalized her own values.
I believe education is essential, but it should always be age-appropriate. It is important to avoid oversharing information that may lead a child to internalize the belief that they must do everything perfectly in order to be okay. Instead, consider cultivating a practice of gratitude for the body, mind, and spirit. It is easy to focus on challenges, yet our bodies support us in remarkable ways every day—through functions such as digestion, vision, and circulation—that are often taken for granted. The more we can model this gratitude, the more our children will be able to embody it.
Finding the Middle Way
Health does not have to be all-or-nothing. When my daughter was around 13, she and her friends wanted to go to Starbucks—often. While saying no entirely might have been the “healthiest” option on paper, I recognized the developmental importance of social connection at that age.
Instead, we compromised. If she chose a sugary drink, she also ordered egg bites to include protein and fat, helping to stabilize her blood sugar. Was it perfect? No. Was it realistic and sustainable? Yes.
This middle path—between rigidity and resignation—is often where the body thrives. It reduces stress, supports mental health, and reflects the reality of living in our culture, particularly for teenagers. Balance, more often than perfection, is what allows both our bodies and our families to flourish.
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